For most of us, the search ran through relatives, the family priest and the local mandal. Someone knew someone, a biodata was passed along, and a meeting was arranged over the phone. Those channels still work and still matter. But a large share of matches now begin online, and many parents feel they have arrived late to something everyone else already understands. You have not. The process is far simpler than it looks, and this guide walks you through it slowly.
Start with a conversation, not a profile
Before you fill in a single field, sit down with your son or daughter.
- Get their consent and their involvement. A profile created without the candidate's knowledge causes trouble the moment a family shows genuine interest and wants to talk. Then you are explaining yourself instead of moving forward.
- Agree on what will be written. Height, income, job, expectations - decide together what goes in and what stays out. It is their life being described.
- Decide who handles calls. In many families the parent takes the first call and the candidate speaks later. That is fine, as long as everyone knows the arrangement in advance.
- Separate the real expectations from the negotiable ones. Most families carry a long list. Ask honestly which two or three things you truly cannot compromise on, and let the rest stay flexible. A short, honest list will find you more matches than a long, hopeful one.
This conversation takes an evening. It saves months.
Setting up the profile, step by step
The whole process is short. Take it one step at a time and do not worry about getting everything perfect on the first attempt - most details can be edited later.
- Register with a mobile number you actually use. Every enquiry, alert and verification message will come to this number. Use the phone you carry daily, not an old spare number.
- Fill in the basic details accurately. Name, date of birth, height, education, occupation, and income if you choose to state it. Income is optional on most platforms; state it or leave it out, but do not inflate it.
- Add family details and native place. Parents' occupations, number of siblings and their status, and your gaav or native district. For Marathi families this matters as much as the candidate's own details, and it helps others place you.
- Add gotra, devak or rashi if your family follows them. If these are part of how your family matches, fill them in. If they are not, leave them blank rather than guessing.
- Upload a clear recent photograph. Good daylight, face clearly visible, taken within the last year or so. One good photo does more than five poor ones.
- Write a short honest "about" paragraph. Four or five plain sentences describing the person, followed by a brief note on what you are looking for.
- Set privacy preferences and submit for verification. Choose who may see the photographs and contact details, then submit. On a serious platform a person reviews the profile before it goes live, so allow a little time for approval.
If you would like to prepare the written details before you sit at the computer, our free Biodata Creator lets you assemble everything in one place and print a clean copy for relatives who still prefer paper.
Writing on your child's behalf
Profiles written by parents have a recognisable style, and not always a helpful one. A few adjustments make a large difference.
- Write in a plain, warm voice. "My son is very obedient and well-settled" tells a reader nothing. Say what he actually does, what he is like at home, what he cares about.
- Describe the person, not only the qualifications. Degrees and salary are filters. Temperament, interests and the way someone treats family are what a match is decided on.
- Do not exaggerate. Height, income and job titles are the three things people stretch, and all three surface later - at the meeting, or when documents are shared. A small exaggeration costs you trust at exactly the wrong moment.
- Keep expectations short and realistic. Three or four lines. A long list of demands reads as rigidity, and good families quietly move on.
- Let your child read it before it goes live. They will catch anything that sounds unlike them.
Understand the privacy controls before you worry about them
The most common hesitation we hear from parents is about putting a daughter's or son's photograph and details on the internet. It is a fair concern, and it is worth knowing what protections a well-run platform provides. Here is what to check on any site you use:
- Contact details stay hidden by default. Phone numbers and email addresses should not be visible to strangers browsing profiles. They should become visible only when both sides have shown interest.
- Photos can be restricted. You should be able to limit who sees photographs, rather than leaving them open to everyone.
- Full names and phone numbers are not exposed in open search. A profile should not be findable by name on a search engine with a phone number attached.
- Every profile is reviewed before it goes live. Human review is what keeps fake and duplicate listings out.
- You can pause or hide the profile. Once a match is progressing, you should be able to step away without deleting everything.
Vivah Swapn works this way - contact details are shared only on mutual interest, and every profile is checked by a person before it is published.
Handling interests and shortlists
Once the profile is live, responses begin arriving. This is where families either move steadily or get overwhelmed.
- Read the whole profile, not just the photograph. The photo tells you very little. Education, family background, location, stated expectations and the tone of the writing tell you a great deal.
- Compare what actually matters. Is the family situation similar to yours? Is the location workable for both? Do the stated expectations sound reasonable, or already demanding? Does the writing sound like a real person?
- Shortlist a manageable number. Five or six active conversations is plenty. Thirty is not a wider net, it is confusion.
- Reply to everyone, including the noes. A short, polite decline takes ten seconds. Silence is the single thing families complain about most - and word travels in our communities.
- Decline promptly. Holding a family in suspense for weeks while you wait for something better is unkind, and it rarely improves your options anyway.
- Keep a simple record. A notebook or a phone note with names, dates and what was discussed. After a month of calls, memory alone will not hold it.
Before the first meeting
- Verify the basics independently. Employer, education, city, family. A few gentle questions over a couple of calls, and a common acquaintance if you have one.
- Involve the candidate in the decision. They should agree to the meeting, not simply be informed of it.
- Keep the first meeting low-pressure. It is a conversation, not a verdict. Neither family should be expected to answer on the same day.
- Let the young people talk. Ten or fifteen minutes on their own, in the same house, with everyone comfortable - that is where the real assessment happens.
Our guide to the kande pohe meeting covers how to host and attend that first visit without turning it into an interrogation.
Safety rules for parents
These are simple, and they protect you completely if you follow them.
- Never send money to anyone met through a matrimony platform. No genuine family asks for a payment, a customs fee, a medical emergency transfer or a ticket. Not once, not for any reason.
- Be cautious with anyone who avoids video calls. A person who always has an excuse not to appear on camera, or who never introduces their family, deserves your suspicion rather than your patience.
- Distrust urgency. Pressure to decide quickly, or to keep the conversation secret from other relatives, is a warning sign in itself.
- Watch for a story that keeps shifting. Job, city, family details, marital history - if these change between conversations, stop.
- Do not share documents early. Aadhaar, PAN, bank details and salary slips are not first-stage material. They come much later, if at all.
- Verify job and NRI claims properly. A company name, a work location, a visa status - all of these can be checked. For an overseas match, insist on speaking to family here in India.
We cover this in more detail in staying safe on matrimony sites and in our list of red flags and green flags.
The part nobody talks about
There is an emotional weight to this that no checklist covers. Relatives ask at every function. Neighbours enquire kindly and repeatedly. Someone your child studied with is already married. It wears you down, and it makes the next reasonable-looking proposal seem good enough.
Slow down when you feel that pressure. A hurried yes costs your family far more than a slow search ever will. You are not behind schedule - there is no schedule. The right match is worth another few months, and your son or daughter will remember that you waited with them.
Frequently asked questions
Can I create the profile if my child is busy or living abroad? Yes, and many parents do. Keep them informed, get their agreement on what is written, and make sure they can see the profile once it is live. Also decide who takes the first call, especially across time zones.
Is it safe to put a photograph online? On a platform with proper controls, yes. Check that photo visibility can be restricted, that contact details stay hidden until both sides show interest, and that profiles are reviewed before publication. If a site does not offer these, do not upload photographs there.
How long does it usually take to find a match? There is no honest answer to this. It depends on your expectations, your community, your location and plain luck. Some families find a good match quickly, others take a year or more. Judge progress by the quality of conversations, not by the calendar.
Should we register on more than one platform? You can, but two is usually enough. Beyond that, keeping the details consistent and replying to everyone becomes a burden, and inconsistent profiles look careless.
What if my child is over 30, or divorced? Both are ordinary today, and there are many good matches in exactly the same position. State the situation plainly in the profile rather than leaving it to be discovered. Honesty at the start filters out the families who would object anyway, and brings you the ones who will not.
What if we get no response for weeks? Review the profile rather than the platform. Usually it is a missing photograph, an empty about section, or expectations written too narrowly. Small corrections often change the response rate.
Setting up a matrimony profile is not a technical task. It is the same thing you have always done - describing your child honestly, asking sensible questions, and taking your time - carried out in a different place. Be accurate, be patient, reply to people, and refuse to be rushed. That is the whole method.
When you and your child are ready, register on Vivah Swapn and take the first step together.
Read next
- The Kande Pohe Meeting - A Complete Guide
- Staying Safe on Matrimony Sites
- Arranged Marriage Red Flags and Green Flags
- Questions to Ask Before Marriage
Still looking for the right match?
Vivah Swapn is a Marathi matrimony platform with verified profiles across Maharashtra: